So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
