He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
