He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
