I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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