i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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