So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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