they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
