A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
