I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
