He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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