Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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