Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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