He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I party with great urgency now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
