oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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