how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
