I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Randomize
