If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
