Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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