You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
