They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
