About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize