Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
