i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
