worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
