soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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