My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
