Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we're so committed to being not committed
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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