Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
