I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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