we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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