I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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