He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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