he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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