I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
