you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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