Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
