also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize