mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
