life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
third nipple confirmed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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