Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
