Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize