I wannas sexs uuuuu
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He passed out mid-signature
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
