Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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