..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"it" just moved
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
