It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize