Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize