i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this boner is exhausting
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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