I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
