she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
