he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
