somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize