the day after is always just damage control
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
