I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
