Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
