I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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