Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
