please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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