Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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