I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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