I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
