he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
