just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
