I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just found a bag of teeth...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
