I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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