I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
