the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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