Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i think i have two assholes
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
