I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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